Saturday, October 6, 2007

Pining for the office


Being stuck at home for the past week has really made me realize how much I miss the erotica plant. I miss nurturing the sexy stories, feeding the fertile minds of the writers, and struggling to keep costs low. Although I love my ultra-modern home (that the lucrative industry of erotica built), I find I work better when I'm down at the plant, overseeing production.

I'm feeling much better now and it's a good thing, too, because when I go in on Monday, there's a lot to deal with. Here's a sample of the crises that have been put on hold until I get back:
1. As a result of Cate spurning her advances, Penelope has quit. And she was mid-story, so I'll need to find someone who can pick up where she left off. Marilyn has volunteered, of course, but that's out of the question. Chris thinks he has a good lead, so I'll have to see about that when I'm in the office. With the holidays coming right up, I can't afford to be down one writer.
2. Bryn has pressured me daily about the importance of having a No. 2 who can fill in for me for those rare occasions when I'm out of commission. This is the first time in 9 years that I've been out of commission, mind you, and as long as there are telephones, I really don't see where there's a problem. But "for the good of Amalgamated" and to "keep up morale," Bryn has tendered the prospect of herself as the person I can rely on in the event that I'm unable to report to work. I find myself actually considering it.
3. I've been editing stories all week, and it's plain to see that the time has come for me to sit down with Tenille and review what it is we do here at Amalgamated. She is prolific, yes, but every damn story reads like it's Wuthering Heights. If you've ever wondered what Cathy and Heathcliff would be like if they were two young men bartering for blowjobs in a back alley, I invite you to read her latest story.
4. The biggest issue right now is this: Dr. Alfred Kinsey has invited me to participate in his research on the human female! This is a significant invitation, and yet by accepting, I expose myself to possible scrutiny by the Citizens Against Pornography or that damn George Putnam. I'll use the weekend to think about it.

1 comment:

Jeremy Edwards said...

This blog is such an impressive tower of whimsy! What a treat.

Oops—I mean, uh (ahem), it's fascinating to read this truthful and accurate account of the operation of your business. Great primary-source material for my MBA thesis.