Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Earning the right to write erotica

In the coming months, you'll probably witness a fair number of blog posts where I mention Marilyn. She is both nemesis and helpmate.

I mean, look at her. Does she look like she's suffered a day in her life? No, of course she doesn't. Not that I like it when people suffer, but I have serious doubts that a person can be self-actualized or sympathetic to others if they have never experienced hardship. And Marilyn has had nary a ruffle in her perfect life.

And yet she is as nice as she can be. She is kind, courteous, loyal, thoughtful, and pleasant. And obviously, beautiful. Men love her. Women want to hate her but can't.

Marilyn wants to be a writer. So, her uncle Obediah, who just happens to be on my board of directors, got her a job here at Amalgamated.

Now let me tell you a little something about me. I don't like being told what to do. If somebody shoves a writer down my throat, I'm not inclined to appreciate that writer. In Marilyn's case, I don't believe for two seconds that she can write and I'm not going to waste my time indulging this pretty little rich girl's whim at the expense of denying real writers the opportunity to practice their craft.

She's so polite, though. Every few weeks, she'll ask me if she can write a Quickie, just so I can see what she's capable of. I put her off, without fail. But I must say she's a resilient little thing -- she never complains. She has even tried to get me to read poems and little vignettes she's written, but I tell her I hate poems -- which I do -- and tell her I have no time to read the work of aspiring writers. I deal only with professionals.

So what does she do around here? Everything. On the maid's day off, she cleans toilets. When Chris needs help with filing, she files. When Jason needs help selecting a lipstick shade for his latest drag outfit, she provides good advice. When Crystal bores everyone to tears with her talk of movie stars and fame, Marilyn listens as if she hasn't heard it a thousand times before.

Writing erotica is a privilege, not a right. And Marilyn will have to earn it. I'll show her fancy uncle who's boss.

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